Can you believe that 4 years ago my mum bought me a set of iridescent plates and cutlery from TKmaxx for my ‘future’ flat. Just putting it out into the universe. I have recently opened my help-to-buy ISA for first time buyers to begin saving for my own property. If you are saving to buy your own home, the government will boost your savings by 25% ! (Savings need to be at least £1600). I just finished university in July and for some reason, I felt so behind in my savings and sorting my life out financially. Jetting off on holiday whenever I have a emotional breakdown is also not helpful to my the ears of my piggybank, nonetheless WE MOVE. To be totally honest, I really envisioned myself getting married young and buying a house with my ‘new’ husband. Then we would run into the sunset together lol. Oh how its lovely to dream ha. Its so funny how I didn’t think it was possible for me to be homeowner without being married or in a longterm relationship. I really didn’t think anyone would take me seriously. This type of thinking really limited my own thoughts transitioning them into my own reality.
It really limited my own ideas about my abilities to achieve anything on my own. I have moved out 6 times and come back home for various different reasons. However, I live the most healthiest and happiest on my own cause once again I am in ‘control’ of my environment. (Don’t worry I am acknowledging my need for control and making some changes) I am forced to spend time with myself and survive.
I cannot describe how excited I am to live on my own. To live in a place that I have beautifully decorated with all of my ‘extra’ trinkets, gadgets and bespoke furniture. To cover it in all of my favourite paintings by my favourite artists along with all of my favourite books. To fill it with all of my picture frames, plants, candles and throw cushions that I like to change seasonally. I have been wanting my own permanent place for years and when I find the perfect place, I know I'm going to be spending the most important years of my life in it. I know that I’m going to be finding myself and figuring out who I am and want to be, in my own self-made, self-bought environment. The idea of waiting on a relationship to move forward in my life is absolutely ridiculous, but I kid you not, I didn’t think I was capable of really and truly being alone. I was petrified of being lonely, because I sometimes feel detached in a house full of people, let alone in an empty apartment.
Instead of cherishing the freedom and beauty of being alone.
If you can’t handle being single, and alone how do you manage in a relationship? If I can’t be 100 within myself, what can I bring to any type of relationship/friendship? Thankyou mum for my iridescent plates. My iridescent plates are the beginning of a long journey into the love, strength and peace within myself.